Sunday, July 15, 2007

Ut omnes unum sint

Is it the Antichrist at work sowing the seeds of confusion or are people just plain stupid?

Perhaps I should spell it out?

The Roman Catholic Church has always been in favour of ecumenism, healing the wounds of Christianity, call it what you will, but subject to very specific conditions which add up to unconditional surrender on the part of the non Roman churches:
  • the Vatican has recently spelled out that, while elements of the one true church may subsist in other churches — who really should not have the cheek to call themselves such, them being only second class congregations of half believers — there is only one true apostolic church, which is the Roman Catholic Church.

  • Reunification will therefore have to include:

    • acceptance of the Pope, successor to Peter, as the head of the Church with ultimate power to define dogma and pronounce infallibly, when this is considered appropriate

    • belief in the real presence, or to give it its proper scientific name, transubstantiation. This one gets harder to pin down as we enter the world of subatomic particles and wave propagation, but a suitable affirmation of faith in the matter, so to speak, may suffice here. After all, it's the thought that counts.

    • acceptance of the presence in heaven, with full plenipotentiary powers of mediation, of all those canonised as saints by the Popes, and including those so elevated by popular acclamation in the old days when people knew no better. (George and Patrick please note. Philomena, go away.)

    • acceptance of the bodily assumption into heaven of Mary the mother of Jesus, and her status there as the mediatrix of all graces. The physics of all this can be referred to a committee of experts who can sit on it in perpetuity.

    • acceptance of the infinite benefits which flow from the Mass, which is why regular attendance is advised/mandated. The philosophical rationalisation of this apparent contradiction could also be referred to the above committee.

    • acceptance of the property of remission which goes with indulgences. While precise quantification of these is no longer required, the mathematics of matching up the time-limited concepts involved with the infinite attributes of the divine world could also be referred to the above committee.

    • acceptance of the homeopathic properties of holy water, ie one drop contaminates all infinitely. The guy who succeeds in applying this process to beer will become the only saint by popular acclamation in modern times. (Blessed Bock seems to be already half way there.)

  • there will be no à la carte menu here. You take the full shilling and drink all of the soup.

  • outside the church there will be little, if any, salvation. Non members in possession of skills in short supply can make the usual application for entry visas.

  • PX: Admission of Allah, Jehovah and any other deities outside the Blessed Trinity, will be subject to all of the above conditions.

If you think the above is intellectually taxing, try summing this up in one phrase, and forget the stamped addressed envelope.

Sicut erat in principio ...


Benny the Bridgebuilder said...

I didn't mention the Resurrection as this is already common ground among Christians, albeit subject to a little Alice in Wonderland interpretation.

dancer said...

What about statues in churches?
And praying to the Virgin Mary? - i.e. intercession?

Benny the Bridgebuilder said...

The statues are sort of covered under the saint category.

Intercession through Mary is covered under mediatrix.

Mind you, I left out the immaculate conception and its oft confused twin the virgin birth.

These may be shared by some of the brethern, and anyway, it might not be wise to completely discourage any potential candidates from the word go. We can always slip these mickey finns in along the way.

Bock the Robber said...

Indeed, and thanks for the mention, but you haven't yet seen my research results on the logistics of the Ascension into Heaven.

Residual matter is going to be a problem.

Benny the Bridgebuilder said...

Residual matter is immaterial.